[ Tuesday, December 07, 2004 ]

i'm quite over blogging already. makes me feel fake and stupid.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 11:38 PM ]


[ Tuesday, November 09, 2004 ]

so...the papers so far...one word. sucked. =( yea...i think i'll stay at tampines jc...umm yea...altho really i wish i cld just drop out of schl altogether :) and i think my lit is gonna be a b4 or sumthing...totally totally rotten...yea maybe i shldnt do lit in jc. sigh. sigh. sigh. i don't know where i'm heading.wish i did.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 7:47 PM ]


[ Thursday, October 28, 2004 ]

Eternity Robbie Williams Close your eyes so your don't hear them They don't need to see you cry I can't promise I will heal you But if you want to I will try I'll sing this summer serenade The past is done We've been betrayed It's true Someone said the truth will out I believe without a doubt, in you You were there for summer dreaming And you gave me what I need And I hope you find your freedom For eternity...For eternity Yesterday when you were walking We talked about your mum and dad What they did that made you happy What they did that made you sad We sat and watched the sun go down Picked a star before we lost the moon Youth is wasted on the young Before you know it's come And gone to soon

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 9:39 PM ]


[ Monday, October 18, 2004 ]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections2004/comment/story/0,14259,1329925,00.html

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 6:21 PM ]


[ Tuesday, October 05, 2004 ]

okaaay okaaay leaving crescent in 2 wks. i guess i am pretty happy, not that i hate the school or anything, but for a whole new experience..anyway, dont know why many crescentians hate crescent. i'm not sure who/what exactly they hate...the principal? the teachers? the environment? the other pupils? well, i dont think it would be any different in another school ya know...i know a lot of crescentians think the school is over-posering, inflating our achievements and such. all schools do that. some will say oh those other schools have greater reason to do so. whose fault is it if our school doesnt have that greater reason?and yea our school does come up with the most spastic ideas eg. honour stamps...at least there's a little amusement in our lives eh and we dont have to care about it do we. and i recall very clearly in discussions i once had,friends were saying they wanted to schl to acknowledge our gd pts, not always jumping on us over the slightest infringement of our school rules. and when this honour stamp idea came out in response to our suggestions, everybody thought it was ridiculous. i don't think it is easy to run a school. and one shldnt hate the school because of a particular individual.anyway, haha school is school, the wider society is worse. okay, whatever. as for me, i'm grateful for the varying personalities i've met in crescent. for the days playing soccer. for some wonderful teachers. for uncle mao!!! uncle mao!!! swoon! ;) i forgot to mention he's totally the cutest! he posed for sally's camera! and willingly obliged all the 4times we asked to have a picture taken with him!For the thrill of running out of school way before dismissal. for the wonderful memories of a terribly spastic 2s2. stoning during ldds meetings. :) oh yea i'll definitely not miss lessons tho!!! mwahaha!! okay, it is still a drag to go to school mwahahah but only coz of its banality but yea, i dont hate crescent. haha. hoho.i hate school, the idea of school. but i cant say i hate crescent. so contradictory eh. but crescent is not an idea. crescent = my friends, my memories, 1/4 of my life. and the bad parts will all be forgotten. on another note, i bitched about a teacher a little too loudly and she heard me! argh! aww mann....its bothering me quite a bit. i feel like apologising to her! but then that would be quite insincere cos i really cant apologise for feeling upset with her frequent habits of criticising me. okay, maybe a little exaggeration on the frequent part. but i do feel guilty with my cynical view that she criticises me just to get a kick,that she picks on me on purpose cos she can't stand my arrogant attitude,maybe my i-know-everything expression. and you know the best part about the issue, I PREDICTED what she was going to say when i decided to skip the mock exam. i totally predicted it. grr. haha the "you think you're so smart?"was predicted and yea i gotta agree with "you've got no mind of your own is it?" coz i did choose to go with the flow, because i cldnt care too much for challenging it. whatever. now she hates me. haha.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 7:49 PM ]


[ Wednesday, September 29, 2004 ]

watched the ghost yesterday. with siva, abidah and liyun.screamed till i got a sore throat. stoned at lido with liyun today while hari and wendy watched new police story. i felt happy after buying a rhumba-caramel from starbucks.i'm not too sure why. wasted cash on a pathetic neoprint machine that cheated us of our money by failing to spit out our photos. i really do not wish to go to school tomorrow :(

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 4:05 PM ]

Father and Son Cat Stevens It's not time to make a change, Just relax, take it easy. You're still young, that's your fault, There's so much you have to know. Find a girl, settle down, If you want you can marry. Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy. I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy, To be calm when you've found something going on. But take your time, think a lot, Why, think of everything you've got. For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 4:05 PM ]


[ Thursday, September 23, 2004 ]

hmm yea prelims over. dont feel anything really :/ yeps absolutely nothing, i might get down to some reading now? and i hope i didnt do too badly.. maths was bad as usual.i shld pray for a pass. went out for lunch with saritha,abidah,avie,josh,siva.. walked around wisma, looking for stuff for lady in me day!?tsk. abidah bought some top and siva pretty shoes.. i bought eye liner.woohoo. oh yea baby, consumerism rocks. aside, from that.. i have tyres on my tummy,need to exercise.oh yea baby,vanity rocks.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 5:35 PM ]


[ Monday, August 30, 2004 ]

yadayadayada. totally unfocused. bloody brat me. i will try to study. yesyesyes. study study study pls. waste too much time, playing as though olvls have ended :/ bloody loser me.. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 6:55 PM ]


[ Thursday, August 19, 2004 ]

HAPPY SWEET 16TH BIRTHDAY ANG XUEMIN!!! KISSSKISSS!!!YOU ARE BLOOMING JUST LIKE THE TULIPS! AND YOU'RE AS SWEET AS THE CHOCOLATE CAKE! LOVE LOADS! =)

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 7:44 PM ]


[ Wednesday, August 18, 2004 ]

today yazzie is annoyed. why is yazzie annoyed? yazzie is annoyed because a certain teacher thinks yazzie is overconfident! yazzie would not mind if yazzie is really overconfident. for yazzie appreciates truth. however, yazzie is certain this is not the truth, as yazzie is shitfuckscared about screwing up in the papers she's supposed to be good at yazzie would like to say that resting one's head on the table when the teacher is teaching, does not mean that yazzie is not paying attention. does not mean that yazzie is overconfident. and if that certain teacher bothered to open the eyes proper, that certain teacher would realise that yazzie was actually writing down what she was saying. yazzie realises she has the tendency to be "extra" and yazzie wonders whether she should make behavioural adjustments to appear more humble. yazzie sometimes wonders what teachers expect - when you keep quiet, they complain: typical singaporean students!Can't think! and when you speak up, they get the impression you're "overconfident". yazzie is indeed vexed. yazzie was actually on the verge of tears when yazzie told the teacher she was feeling frightened, and the teacher's response was that she was overconfident.how could something be so misinterpreted? yazzie does not quite understand why she is so affected by the words of this certain teacher, who has once before, also made a similar comment that yazzie's overconfidence will be yazzie's downfall. and all because yazzie, as is obvious, is an extremely disorganised person who keeps on losing her papers and books. Apparantly, the fact that yazzie was not copying notes in the "right" book(due to it being missing),made yazzie overc0nfident. yazzie is feeling rather upset as she feels she has been unfairly singled out. She does feel better now, though, having vented it out here.yazzie sayss grrrrrrrr...=( yazzie takes criticism badly eh. yazzie hopes these experiences will teach her to take criticism and unfair judgements in her stride.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 5:21 PM ]


[ Thursday, August 12, 2004 ]

b3 for malayy sehhh!!not bad ah!thankyouthankyou! and ohyes!singapore idol is suchh a hoottttt!honestly, singaporeans are the funniest and lamest everrr.bananaman! ehh im such a slacker...there'll be days when i feel yes!ican do it and i will do it!(it being studying ah dont think dirty) then there'll be some days(most days) where i just lose my focus and fall asleep wayy too early without acheiving anything.and im becoming more and more playful-peer pressure ah!haha my faulttt.pray for me. thanks! anyways, for all those who are in love with crescent's gardener, pls go to friendster and add weloveunclemao@yahoo.com give him your support!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 6:33 PM ]


[ Wednesday, August 11, 2004 ]

went pasar malam and redhill coffeeshop today with nurul,yahui,andrea and xueminn btwn us, we ate 5 ice kachangs,one ching teng,rojak, and carrot cake and i ate ramli burger.haha.totally gonna grow fat. and so much for productivity! and i think my organic chem studying was quite incomplete.argh. 9.40 and i havent studied the 3chpts for bio test.nor done much else that wld be considered to be productive.hopeless person laa and the bloody malay olvl results tmrw.and prelims so soon. how not to get heart attack like this?!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 9:35 PM ]


[ Tuesday, August 10, 2004 ]

i have decided to mug. it suddenly hit me that there's just a month till our prelims!argh! and what have i studied so far?errr 3chpts of phys.and 3 of chem. i am honestly gonna die.at the rate im going,i'll never finish studying byy prelimss! arghhh.i am so scared! and im muggin like ive never mugged before okay! its not the flip thru textbook kind of studying okay! its the do tys, practice like mad,drill into head like mad studying! since its mostly chem so far, its kinda fun. but shit, still have the other subjects to go... and my math, my poor miserable math. despite doing most of the math hmwk lbk gave us, i'm still hopeless at it. shitshit im so scared.i hope i dont get distracted man..this is like the 1st time im studying properly in my whole life..i hope i can maintain it!pray for yazzie!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 11:56 PM ]


[ Saturday, August 07, 2004 ]

The No-Nonsense Guide to Globalisation by Wayne Ellwood Globalisation: it’s a buzzword you can’t escape. For some it’s the ticket to a democratic world of instant communications and global prosperity. For others it’s a money-mad juggernaut, spinning wildly out of control, threatening both cultural and biological diversity. Today the Western consumer model has seeped into every corner of the globe while gaps in wealth, food security and social provision continue to grow. The No-Nonsense Guide to Globalisation traces the journey towards a borderless world. And in the process it shows that the promise of globalisation is seductive, powerful, and ultimately hollow. one of the more lucid books on globalisation.read it.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 6:22 PM ]

Not entirely practical, but an interesting read nonetheless!i do agree with some of what the writer says, such as, in idleness the greatest ideas come to us. the writer however has missed the part that very hard work is needed to work on the ideas we get from idleness!imagine- he's making craploads of money from writing abt how to be idle and telling pple guilt-free idleness is ok! The virtue of idleness From the Bible on, moralists and nags have promoted the benefits of hard work and early rising. They are mistaken, argues Tom Hodgkinson. For breathing space to create and time to reflect, indolence is essential. He offers a guide to easy living, pleasurable illness, and effortless sex http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,3605,1276787,00.html

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 6:09 PM ]


[ Friday, August 06, 2004 ]

national day celebration today was fun! haha! ooo yazzie has become a patriotic singaporean! haha! well...nah not really. maybe maybe not. that might be true, but is quite irrelevant to the fact that today's national day celebration was fun, since it is possible to sing and wave flags madly when you dont really do it for why you are supposed to do it.just our last yr together.just had too much energy to spare. just the fact that we,frens and i, are living someplace together.maybe for more than those reasons?i don't know.and oh yes!the red ties look beautiful with our polo t!everyone was commenting on how great we all looked!haha! ate at seoul garden with 11 others!had to wait 2 damn hrs at taka!coz seoul garden was too full..so reserved then went away to stone.was so tired.slept on hari's lap!avie,abidah bumped into us while we were camping at basement 2!walked arnd..bought earrings for nurul cos she'll turn 16 this sunday!! and di bought a famous amos cookie cake!dint eat that much at S.g.. yet felt so blaoted. cldnt eat the meat and seafood stuff anymore so stuffed myself with icecream!bloated now.burp.ohyes!took neoprints!they look lovely! when can you confirm you're the laziest peeg in the whole world? when you drink extra strong coffee and can still fall asleep! grr...

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 7:39 PM ]


[ Thursday, August 05, 2004 ]

OHMYGOD. so darn funny all the g3 pple online are conferencing on msn!for a very impt reason which i shall not state here just yet! 10 of us! hahahah so confusing but bloody fun and cool! went to clarke quay today to get the you-know-whats!stoned at p.s. for awhile b4 that, me,sally and xuemin b4 meeting up with yahui and jingwen to go to clarke quay. sally so kind REALLY REALLY helped a lost tourist along the way!cute old man!hahha and we tricked the ever-so-hygienic jingwen into drinking p.s toilet's tap water.loser!hahah!today was actually pretty darn fun!RAN around soo much!behaved like complete idiots esp. this sally and the overflowing slurpee! argh, and feel myself overflowing with love right now!SIGHHHHH!overflowing with loev and joy and excitement and love and love and love and love. AND STILL CHATTING WITH THE JOKERS! WE GONNA ROCK DA SKOOL DOWN! HEEHEE!love all u guys!love love love love! love love! kiss kiss kiss kiss!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 8:46 PM ]


[ Sunday, July 18, 2004 ]

there is something greater out there. greater than your materialistic fancies.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 11:56 AM ]

there is always the chance of error in the calculation. or inaccurate interpretation. but the perhaps error and inaccuracy,became a magnificant dream. and perhaps for me, destiny was created when i saw the possibilities that lay ahead.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 11:56 AM ]

http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/geny/story/0,4386,262053,00.html?   and excerpts from it:   So why are mean girls mean? Consultant psychiatrist Brian Yeo said this is a common group behaviour among girls, and it stems from their need to congregate and belong in a group. The girls find their strength in numbers and this 'popular girls culture', as he calls it, includes being collectively mean towards other girls. The current Miss Singapore Universe, Ms Sandy Chua, a former Katong Convent student, threw up another reason. She reckons some girls behave this way because they might want to draw attention away from their own inadequacies. 'These girls put others down and highlight others' faults so that they feel better about themselves,' the 19-year-old beauty queen said.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 11:37 AM ]


[ Monday, July 12, 2004 ]

ok fantastico, i was just about to plop to bed at 7.45pm...and hoorah, the computer has awakened my senses. hopefully, after this i shall resist the temptation of my bed and study for tmrw's bio test and do last last wk's math hmwk :/ ergh. and have i mentioned... I HATE SCHOOL. okay, ungrateful biatch that i am. :/ really dislike school with quite an intensity.sorry hor, too intellectually feeble. anyways, yes experiencing RMUN withdrawal symptoms. no more excuses for not doing hmwk.shucks. there is no such thing as happiness. only contentment perhaps. or more like an acceptance of the melancholy of one's soul.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 8:20 PM ]


[ Tuesday, July 06, 2004 ]

euch. im blogging again. i dont really like blogging anymore.i feel like a desperate idiot.but, whatever, here i go again.friends are for happy days, strangers for sad days.that was quite irrelevant. i hate the fact that i'm such an incapable useless fool.i hate the fact that i'm gonna die a failure. my views are becoming more and more twisted and contradictory as the days pass.i'm becoming more and more ignorant.i can't control the sudden surge of sadness that overwhelms me a lot of the time. or the sudden hyperactiveness that comes unexpectedly after periods of overwhelming sadness. it's quite bad for my studies, since when experiencing the former emotion, i go to sleep, and while experiencing the latter, i can't sit still.this makes me feel all the worse, cos here i am with all these opportunities, and instead of seizing them, i stone and stone and feel like shit. i hate school. i know it's being very selfish of me.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 12:28 AM ]


[ Wednesday, June 16, 2004 ]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,12271,1239824,00.html parts of it: The March 6 memo, prepared for Mr Rumsfeld explained that what may look like torture is not really torture at all. It states that: if someone "knows that severe pain will result from his actions, if causing such harm is not his objective, he lacks the requisite specific intent even though the defendant did not act in good faith". What this means in understandable English is that if a parent, in his anxiety to know where his son goes after choir practice, does something that will cause severe pain to his son, it is only "torture" if the causing of that severe pain is his objective. If his objective is something else - such as finding out where his son goes after choir practice - then it is not torture. Mr Rumsfeld's memo goes on: "a defendant" (by which he means a concerned parent) "is guilty of torture only if he acts with the express purpose of inflicting severe pain or suffering on a person within his control". Couldn't be clearer. If your intention is to extract information, you cannot be accused of torture. Terry Jones Wednesday June 16, 2004 The Guardian

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 9:40 AM ]


[ Thursday, June 10, 2004 ]

i feel the pain of time fleeing by. evertime a friend calls and says of an old friend of ours whom i've lost touch with, hey did you hear, so and so is...and i realise how everyone's moved on in their lives.i feel it every year when the air rumbles with planes and i wonder what the hell, only to realise that it's national day rehearsals yet again, and i have to take awhile to compose myself after realising that yes,that much time has gone by between last year's june and now.i feel it every january.every 30th,31st,1st.every sunday,every monday.sometimes,when i feel strangeness overwhelm me, i feel it every second that that strangeness lasts.and i feel, i cannot move as it does, i will never be able to keep up with it,move in sync with its second hand,even its minute hand.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 6:53 PM ]


[ Tuesday, June 08, 2004 ]

and the Arabs remain silent now while Sudan bleeds.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 3:41 PM ]


[ Sunday, June 06, 2004 ]

finally a semblance of progress!much of RMUN work on india's congress party was based on assumptions since they just got voted in..but then i chanced upon their election manifesto today!alright!after hrs of searching for their non-existant homepage and policies..so proposed solutions shld be fine..and i dont think there's much diff btwn india's stand and proposed solutns in that the stand will prob be a summary of the solution?hmmm..ohwell.i think its to our advantage that congress won instead of bjp again!more to talk abt..great comparison btwn current sitaution and india's stand!' hmmm...been in high spirits lately bcoz of a recent trip to the library!got my hands on 5 great bks!one on logic,two on india(obsession,eh)one on genetics,one fiction.the books and the researching, make me feel like a happy,productive human being whose existance has at least some(superficial or not)meaning.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 12:24 PM ]


[ Monday, May 31, 2004 ]

the way the articles for crescent courier are edited...:/ i think the editor's english is weird?or is it just me?hmmmm pissed bcoz there are structural and grammatical mistakes in the articles i "wrote" haha..ohwell. anyways,malay o-level paper today was err..okay but not exactly okay..the compo was pretty okay,the dialogue far from okay.paper 2, err..the only thing that was easy was the peribahasa?pretty tricky ppr..arghhh hope my compo pulls up my marks..and i'll converse in malay now, so i'll be well-prepared for oral?heheh.. went to LJS for lunch with Avie,Gaya,Abidah.then went popular.yay!abidah and i are confirmed nerds!bought my first assesstment(isthishowuspellit?) book in four years!mathematics!abidah bought a history guide!and we bought this poster with a cute baby on it for Avie coz it's her 17th burfday tmrw! HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY AVIE,my soccer buddy,my fellow shortie!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 8:04 PM ]


[ Sunday, May 23, 2004 ]

aiyaaa...cannot stand it...i fell in love with mr. darcy all over again! haha, borrowed the BBC version of P&P from Kiki! see lah kiki all ur fault! the movie was like 5hrs?it was really really really good, how you'd expect it to be after reading the book.Colin Firth was just BRILLIANT as Mr Darcy!and it doesnt help that i think Firth's hot!aiyaa where's my Mr Darcy?!haha i know many other female fans of P&P are in love with Darcy.. aside from Darcy, i'm quite in love with Manmohan Singh..see that picture of him on the front page of this week's economist! isnt he SOOO cute? yea sharmeen and the other RMUNers reminded me he's only 70.he's just so bloody kuchikuchi cute, he looks so deep and unassuming and soo...nice. i like him! hmm talking abt RMUN..lots of work to be done!my sharmeen and I are major slackers i tell you! but she did up the first page of the powerpoint really really well!and my Manmohan's picture is there too!Mrs Ow is so off, but she's just too adorable to beleive..we're kinda bugging her to let us have an RMUN camp..im so crazy over wanting to have as many camps as possible this June!Mr M's gonna book us a chalet for LD sec 3's and 4's! dunnoe if it's confirmed yet..but pretty keen on it, coz some of us intend to sneak out to make a surreptitious escapade someplace at night.shhh. Dad: What do you intend to do. me: huh. dad:your ambition. me:dont know dad:journalist?teacher...lawyer?you can talk what, debate and all. me:not interested. dad:why dont you work with young kids?kindergarten teacher? i mean. i dont know if the kindergarten teacher part was a joke.not that i mind young kids, but eeee, it'll be not too teach them to sing or whatever u noe?but anyway, i sorta see the fact that he cld think that i might wanna be a kindergarten teacher as an insult.maybe he thinks im stupid and lacking the intellectual ability to do anything else.or maybe he's a chauvinist. :/ anyway,traveller sounds stupid.film director,something to do with writing but not really journalism sounds stupid too.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 9:37 PM ]

ah yes. exam marks.pretty bad.but not THAT bad. B3 for english.expected, but was slightly disappointed after realising how easy it was to have gotten an A2 at the very least.dont really care abt the compre part, but was more disappointed abt the essay/brochure. the essay was deemed as having an interesting view point which was quite unexpected coz i thot it was off-topic, but anyways, it sucked that i got marked down on language, for both the brochure and essay, bcoz i failed to use enough good vocabulary according to ms azlin.:/ ohwell, i shall make a conscious effort to use big words. malay b3(i remain confident of attaining the 0.5marks that will give me a 64.75,thereby giving me a b3) lit A2.21/25, 18/25, 18/25, 14/25. the 14 was deserved since it was dead shallow. hist-ss A2.despite receiving praise for my analysis, i received only 7/13marks for my first ss essay, coz i failed to elaborate on the points earlier in the essay.funny thing was i thot i had over-elaborated.hist was higher than expected for essays. phys-chem C6.this one was damn bloody scrwed.chem wasnt THAT bad, but phys was HORRIBLE. thing was, i actually found it rather easy. math, a 9 as usual. bio, b4. this was horrible, largely due to the essays. absolutely disappointed abt this paper, coz it wasnt that i didnt know the answers.esp that drug question, where i stopped at 7points bcoz it was 7marks, and it turned out to be o.5marks a point. :/really really screwed this paper up when i shldnt have. overall, i dont feel too bad, bcoz i didnt put in too much effort.esp, math and phys, which i barely touched. but nevertheless, i was rather disappointed with the horrible phys marks. and bio.i figure i shld start working from now.i always say that, but i happen to be just abt the laziest swine in the whole world.but i really must improve loads by prelims man.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 8:10 PM ]


[ Wednesday, May 19, 2004 ]

My heart has become capable of every form: It is a pasture for gazelles, And a monastery for Christian monks, And a temple for idols, And the pilgrim's Ka'ba, And the tablets of the Torah, And the Book of the Quran. I follow the religion of Love: Whatever way Love's camel takes, That is my religion and my faith. -Ibn Arabi, sufi master

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 6:19 PM ]


[ Wednesday, May 12, 2004 ]

oh yes!and a star of david!hmm or maybe a fake nose! okay, that was quite racist of me...shit i think im now a target of jewish extremists who want to slit my throat...shitshit.*gaspgasp* i believe in Yahweh spare me! ahh and abidah raised an interesting point...cults and cannibals..they can be pretty looney and i dont think they'll spare us if we show them devil's photo...so i thot u noe, act all looney and act as satan and theyll listen to u?for cults.cannibals ah.sigh. i think the cyanide pill will come in handy here. and oh no shucks racists??who only like their white skin colour?carry white pain or a mask?oh no...ok cyanide pill here too.hmm and abidah asks how bout rapists?we shld say"dont u want more?how bout tmrw" so they wont kill us..ohwell.in other unexpected circumstances, the cyanide pill always comes in handy!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 9:03 PM ]

argh! i'm starting to get paranoid.. was just describing to my maid all the gruesome ways to kill someone...whoa i mean at least now there are guns and all u noe, instant death if pple arent happy with ya..but eww imagine having a long stick inserted through your below then slowly, a slow painful death, till it hits a major organ or watever. YUCK.or boobs cut off.or eyes poked.ouch.so anyways, ive decided to carry a cyanide pill wherever i go..but where to get!???? and then AHA i have discovered a better solution! carry a crucifix,a chain with a quranic verse on it, a hindu chain, a buddhist chain,a baby flag of america, mao's red book --- shld be quite safe, so if the guy is a christian fanatic u take out the cross, and so on...that way i dont even have to kill myself OR be tortured!hmm abidah is saying where will i carry all that stuff..and hmm well IN MY BRA OF COURSE!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 8:42 PM ]

today i discovered that class c wards had no airconditioning. it's quite...amazing..since i was walking from the row of class b wards then suddenly i felt hot air and i looked through the wards and discovered they had no airconditioning.it's very weird that the wards of diff classes are on the same floor...coz the whole corridor outside the b wards was cool and then u walk somemore and its like two completely diff places. and all in the same straight row. it's quite extraordinary.i never knew. i mean i cant say anything, its like shucks poor things, yet u think where do u draw the line? what reasoning would you use to say that they deserve aircons which are costly to maintain?(i cant believe i used the word "deserve".)i recall a pap person...maybe it was the biglee himself..saying that the govt shld not be excessively responsible in looking after the people's medical needs, since what spurred pple to work was the thought of wanting comfort in their older years. somewhere along those lines anyway. i just watched the Nick Berg video on The Memory Hole..and if you go there to check it out check the prisoner abuse fotos too..god.i was covering my mouth in preparation for the execution part.i'm quite embarrassed to say it wasnt that bad. but it was like slaughtering a chicken.i just hope the guy dint feel that much pain.and i cant stand that those bastards were Allahuakbar-ing away.honestly fuckers.and i know that even if it was a completely different situation and the wrongful parties were screaming in the name of freedom, or in the name of jesus or whatever, i would have felt just as annoyed."when you take away one innocent life, it's like taking away the life of all mankind"if you all are so holy and all, you shld figure that justice belongs only to god you know?(and not that i really believe this)(not that i am against courts)who the fucks gave you the right to decide who's innocent and who's not?Allahuakbar your way to hell.(not that i really believe in hell)yea well maybe i shld sympathise with the executioners?im sure it felt good to be God, to take away his life and swing his head proudly in the air.i wonder if you felt his pain at all?i wonder if you pictured him being your brother?i wonder if you pictured you and him exchanging pleasantries on the train?or were you so sure of your cause?did God send you a msg saying it was the right course of action? it's very painful, no? knowing that these people have blood the same colour as yours,the same needs as you.what happened?am i capable of that?i think yea we all are, we do it every day, with our usual bitchiness we sting others not caring abt the pain they feel,doing it to make ourselves feel good,to get back.it's not that different. it seems the more you love, the more you hate.you love your people so much it drives you to do crazy things,kill innocents. you love your brother so much you seek revenge for his death. and yet, what is love but another superficiality?just like everything else...just like everything else...love is just lust or making yourself feel good.do i "love" my friends.i wld do things for them w/o thinking, and why?i suspect just bcoz i "feel" it's an obligation as a friend.i hang arnd with them to ease my loneliness, to laugh. they make you feel better abt yourself. so isnt love for friends or whoever ultimately and expression of the love you have for yourself? i used to be able to do last minute mugging quite passionately.not this time arnd..just this weariness and i just knock off w/o studying proper,even if im not that tired.but anyways, its making me quite scared, esp math,an f9 again in all likelihood.i really want to try to study.esp since it's only a few months till its over.i wldnt forgive myself if i do badly for the prelims or o's.it'll probably make me feel even more worthless.and i cant stand that i effectively screw up all my compositions during exams.it horrendous. esp since i do exposititary essays(which cld reveal ur stupidity if u screw it up), because the stories they give are usually quite retarded.it just sucks. i cant write sense in an hr, which usually becomes half an hr after all those crushed papers. we're just force-fed into accepting info,"knowledge". i know a lot of pple actually memorise stuff,hist textbooks and all, but wld they have the knowledge deep in their hearts, do they reason with the logic provided,imagine possibilities in their minds,u noe all that...we never really get to fully appreciate what we learn coz we never get the chance to discuss and see beyond what there seems to be.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 5:56 PM ]


[ Wednesday, April 28, 2004 ]

Royston Tan's "Cut" is damn funny! you can download it off the talkingcock website.. hahahaha...it really really made my day :D ahahahhaahaa...!

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 10:42 PM ]


[ Tuesday, April 13, 2004 ]

lala first time in wks feeling really quite happy. :) hoorah :) just in time for my 16th burfday! ohdearohdear. i really dont want to grow up. i mean i dont really want to stay a kid but i dont really want to grow up too. i know age is just a number. but i feel it's just a little too fast ya know?i just don't feel ready. i guess part of the reason for my happiness is the arrival of a new FANTASY! and it's wonderful that all my very closest friends are in it too...and today was like the good ol' days...me,Vie,Siva,Bidah,Josh all crapping and laughing like loonies,mostly about R-rated stuff...haha okay here's the new fantasy--in abt 10 yrs time, we will rent some kind of ship, sail the seven seas,while selling Ramli burgers to passing ships,we'll fish and just explore and chill.saritha will provide us with the muzikk!josh will make the Ramli burgers, avie, well she'll prolly direct the ship and make a documentary. abidah is supposed to model on the ship.bwaaha.haha.gaya can fish muahaha.I'll just write or talk to the fish or something. This fantasy and goal of sorts is making me feel alive! it's like every moment of this dreaded life you have to create a new story for yourself to survive, to feel good about waking up each day. i guess that's why pple talk abt the importance of having goals. but perhaps to pple like me,like us, a goal like getting to a good jc and such, will not do. we need bigger dreams, fantasies so unreal to others, but so real to ourselves. Fantasies which keep us going. first of all...we have to try and keep in touch :)i don't know if it's the same for everyone else...but i get the feeling that my grp of close buds from sec 2...we're all escapists of sorts...hah. all this talking about perspective...makes me think of Anil's Ghost(this story set during sri lankan civil war)...how it ends as Ananda sees through the eyes of the giant statue Buddha who overlooks the fields. he reconstructs the broken pieces of the Buddha's face and when it is completed, he climbs up the ladder, and looks into the mirror held up for him so that he can paint the Buddha's eyes(since it wasnt right to look directly into the eyes while the painting of the eyes was incomplete)When he looks into the mirror, he looks beyond, sees the world the statue would see forever-the birds the trees the mountains. he feels the wind, hears the sounds.he sees the world from this new angle.and you realise it's an angle of beauty, not truth...if you read the book...it's about Anil's obsession with finding justice for Sailor, it's about Sarath's love for history, Gamini's realisation of his realationship with his brother -- all essentially to do with truth. though of course Anil's Ghost is not only about truth.nothing is solved in the book. does this mean truth is something so unreachable, and we should just settle for beauty?or perhaps that truth is in beauty...i dont know. It's just such a beautiful book. i will read it again. and again.i wish i could discuss the book with someone... majorly majorly slacking. physics test tomorrow. only done like 1/4 chpts. shit.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 9:57 PM ]


[ Tuesday, April 06, 2004 ]

i am a horrible person. was horribly mean to azlin today damn sarcastic. feel bothered by the fact that i was such a bitch. aside from that, i just can't let things settle always so bloody persistent i know sometimes it seems as if i just want things my way but believe me, it goes deeper than that. i feel like shit all over again. only now i know nothing's worth the tears which are as useless as the skin,body,soul,mind. i wasnt numb then. there's still the turmoil and i dont think words will come to the rescue now. i don't know why i have to be so difficult. so easily affected. smile.

[ I got a lifetime in | Yasmeen | 8:47 PM ]